wipesfaith | ( appointments )

( appointments )

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It's a lot of wishful thinking and speculation in the end. Happier in some worlds, worse off in others, but the only world and life that really matters is your own.

[They've certainly trailed off from the original subject, but it's all been good. Different paths to get to the same point.]

I'm glad we could talk, but what are you going to do now, Jean? And what do you want me to do? If you want me to leave you alone, I will, but you have to say that instead of avoiding me.

[He's already wasted enough time wondering what he could have done better. If he could have given better orders. If he could have complained less. If he could have saved Marco, had they been assigned to the same squad. If he could have done more in Zompania, if he could have been braver. In the end, he can't go back and change anything; there's only redemption to look for the next time.]

You don't have to leave me alone. Avoiding you like that, it was stupid of me. It's not that I hated you, I just wasn't comfortable with a lot of what happened. I wasn't comfortable with my role in it either. I think it's because I respected you that I didn't know what else to do.

[But he needs to confront what had happened, what she had done, what he had done.]

Sorry.

Apology accepted.

[Because even if she understood why he was avoiding her, a conversation needed to be had at some point or another before the silent treatment went on.]

And I owe you one as well. I didn't give you a lot of choice in things and I should have considered your feelings more. I did things I shouldn't have done out there. Torturing cultists for information, that was unnecessary. We shouldn't have gotten you involved and I am deeply sorry we did.

You couldn't have known that when you started. There's nothing we can do about it now.

Yeah, apology accepted. [Because that's all they can do. Despite everything, she's still someone he holds respect for, someone who has supported him in the past and can continue to support him in the future. After a pause, he'll scratch out below:]

Would you mind giving me more lessons in sign language?

Don't mind at all. We'll have to see what you still remember.

I remember plenty. I'm an honors student, you know.

Of course.

See you around, Jean.

Thanks. [So they're settling back into their normal routine. It feels good, like finally letting go of a held breath.]

Yeah, I'll see you around, Ginia.

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( appointments )

[July 9th, Written]

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