wipesfaith | ( appointments )

[He's young comparatively, but he's a soldier too. There's age that comes with that and given the average lifespan of his world, he's pretty much an adult. However if things went well he'd have years ahead of him too. Enough years for things to pile up, enough years for regrets to sink in, or good memories to be had. Some die too young, some grow up too fast. Life is hard like that.]

I understand that. [Given how worlds work, there was probably a version of him out there that wasn't in the military. Maybe he was happier. Maybe he wasn't. Both were valid.]

My family owned a bar. I always thought I'd eventually inherit it or go off and start my own.

Definitely sounds simpler.

My dad's a carpenter. I thought that was too boring, and I didn't want to be working hard the rest of my life. Thought I was meant for better things than that. [As if someone so recklessly self-absorbed deserved to stow himself away in a life of indulgence. It took him too long to see that there's no room for that sort of life in a world ready to collapse on itself.]

It doesn't really sound all that bad now.

No one really wants to work hard. It's the big dream in my world; work enough to have a good living, retire rich and happy. Few get there since life throws curveballs at you.

[All she ever wanted to do was have a bar, travel the world, and maybe get married and have a family. Two out of three happened in a roundabout way, and even the third had been close until she broke off the engagement.]

We're all the products of our lives and our world. And for every world, there's a thousand versions of it. There's a version of me that died as a Squad Leader in your world just as there's a version of me that never became a hunter in my world.

It's still hard to understand all these other worlds that are out there somewhere. [Until he came here, he never even knew how wide one world could be, or that any other world could even exist - to think that hundreds of versions of the same world could exist, splintered apart by the smallest and biggest differences, is mind-boggling.] If there's a world where I'm in the Military Police, or one where Marco is still alive, then who knows what other versions could be out there.

I don't know how important all that is though. Those are choices we didn't make, or chances we never got. I don't want to get hung up on that.

It's a lot of wishful thinking and speculation in the end. Happier in some worlds, worse off in others, but the only world and life that really matters is your own.

[They've certainly trailed off from the original subject, but it's all been good. Different paths to get to the same point.]

I'm glad we could talk, but what are you going to do now, Jean? And what do you want me to do? If you want me to leave you alone, I will, but you have to say that instead of avoiding me.

[He's already wasted enough time wondering what he could have done better. If he could have given better orders. If he could have complained less. If he could have saved Marco, had they been assigned to the same squad. If he could have done more in Zompania, if he could have been braver. In the end, he can't go back and change anything; there's only redemption to look for the next time.]

You don't have to leave me alone. Avoiding you like that, it was stupid of me. It's not that I hated you, I just wasn't comfortable with a lot of what happened. I wasn't comfortable with my role in it either. I think it's because I respected you that I didn't know what else to do.

[But he needs to confront what had happened, what she had done, what he had done.]

Sorry.

Apology accepted.

[Because even if she understood why he was avoiding her, a conversation needed to be had at some point or another before the silent treatment went on.]

And I owe you one as well. I didn't give you a lot of choice in things and I should have considered your feelings more. I did things I shouldn't have done out there. Torturing cultists for information, that was unnecessary. We shouldn't have gotten you involved and I am deeply sorry we did.

You couldn't have known that when you started. There's nothing we can do about it now.

Yeah, apology accepted. [Because that's all they can do. Despite everything, she's still someone he holds respect for, someone who has supported him in the past and can continue to support him in the future. After a pause, he'll scratch out below:]

Would you mind giving me more lessons in sign language?

Don't mind at all. We'll have to see what you still remember.

I remember plenty. I'm an honors student, you know.

Of course.

See you around, Jean.

Thanks. [So they're settling back into their normal routine. It feels good, like finally letting go of a held breath.]

Yeah, I'll see you around, Ginia.

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